Shit. (Why We Suck)

Holy shitty hockey, Batman.

I HATE this team.

 I stop writing for a couple of games in a feeble attempt to be a real college student and look what happens. I miss a few games for some exams and some hockey of my own and the Rangers are a laughing stock again.

What the hell did I miss?

To recap: With today's 5-2 debacle against Philth-adelphia, the Rangers have gone just 1-5-2 in their last 8, their lone win, naturally, coming in a shootout. I'm not going to consider that a win right now because I have some dignity. Make that 0-5-3.

Ew.

Instead of game notes today, lets instead move to some season-to-date, or why-we-suck notes instead!

WHY-WE-SUCK NOTES

Lets begin with some alarming statistics, eh? (With help from the NYR HF Boards)

- Todd White (45 points) and Ryane Clowe (47 points) are among the 53 players who have more points than any Ranger (Nik Zherdev leads the team with 44) this season. Ryane HECHTING Clowe. Look how the guy spells his freakin' name. Embarassing.

- Mike Green of Washington has the same amount of goals as THE ENTIRE RANGERS DEFENSE COMBINED. Seriously.

- Mike Knuble, Rene Bourque, Bryan Little and David Backes all have more goals than any Ranger (a list which includes Naslund, Drury, Zherdev and Gomez).

Now that we got those out of the way, lets move to what the hell is wrong with this team.

Personnel Problems.

- Two summers ago, we were told that the Rangers had signed two first-line centers. LOL. They have combined for merely 69 points, a disgusting -21, and ZERO heart. For this team to be successful, these guys must earn their money, and not suck at hockey.

- Wade Redden. Is there a worse waste of money in this league? No. But relax Ranger fans, we only have another 5 years of him. Unless we can get him to retire sooner.

- Michal Rozsival sucks at hockey. He is so bad. I refuse to spend any more time on him. I don't have enough column space.

- Markus Naslund is going to pull a Shanahan on us. Start off hot, then get tired and decide to be an old man for the rest of the season. The worst part? He LEADS this team with 17 goals. Only two teams in this league have a leading goal scorer with less than 17 rippings of the mesh.

- Brandon Dubinsky's identity crisis. He showed with Jagr, and even with Zherdev early this season, that he can put up points and be an offensive force. Yet, for some reason, he is being told that his role is as a defensive, faceoff-winning center, rather than a goal scorer. Duby's game is supposed to be a mix of all that. Why the coaching staff is limiting him I do not know.

- Petr Prucha sits. When he plays he scores goals and gets chances. The first game back in which he does NOT score, he is benched afterward. Meanwhile, Aaron Voros, Nigel Dawes, Scott Gomez, and Chris Drury all get free passes despite not having half the heart and desire of Prucha.

... Now I'm going to use this idea of the "free rides" that the Rangers' big money players are getting to help segue into the strategic issues with this team. And since the Rangers aren't using their power play, I'll use it for my example. 

The Power Play sucks, and the team should seriously start requesting to decline any penalties that are taken against them.  

The man advantage has been NO advantage. In fact, its KILLING this team- and this goes far beyond their inability to score. When the Blueshirts fail to capatilize on 5-on-4, and more notably 5-on-3 situations, it throws any momentum they may have built out the window.

***When you GIVE UP goals on your "power play", it effectively takes that thrown momentum, propels it into oncoming traffic, under a bus, and splatters it on the unsuspecting face of some 6 year old riding a bike- who then falls off and fractures his leg. He then requires a blood transfusion for internal injuries, during which something goes wrong and he contracts Hepatitis.

Something like that, yeah.

The fact that Perry Pearn, the person who ADMITS to running New York's "Weakness Play", still has a Flichin' job flat out flabbergasts me. And apparently makes me want to use a lot of alliteration. 

However, A LOT of the blame must also be put on Tom Renney, who throws out the same 5 guys so matter how inept they are a man up on the ice. Gomez, Naslund, Drury, Redden, Rozsival. They're out there every time. They stink up the joint EVERY time. MIX IT UP TOM! Show me Duby, Ryan Callahan, and Nik Zherdev with Dan Girardi and Marc Staal. You have to do SOMETHING to fix the part of this team that is the biggest cancer. You can't drive a car without a gas peddle. You just can't. Not effectively at least.

More Strategic Issues.

- The Power Play

- You cannot expect a team to gel when each player has 2 new linemates EVERY GAME. Ranger skaters have not been afforded a reasonable amount of time to develop any sense of chemistry with each other. Every time a line goes a shift without scoring, Renney throws the grenade into the lineup. 

Naslund- Gomez - Prucha/Dawes

Dawes/Prucha- Drury- Callahan 

Zherdev - Dubinsky - Korpikoski

Sjostrom- Betts- Orr

Keep these lines together. Then come back and thank me.

- The 4th line plays WWAAYY to much. I've talked about this before.

- You want to know the difference between the Rangers and the Sharks, or the Red Wings, or the Bruins? (other than the fact that those teams are good at hockey).  These teams play to WIN, rather than playing to NOT LOSE. They attack defenses, they pass crisp and hard, they shoot to score. New York does none of that. Renney has publicly stated that he's looking for his team to win 2-1 and 1-0 games. It's not going to happen with this group. They're just not solid enough. Time to change the system.

- One such play that you rarely see a good squad use is the dump and chase. Why not just pick up the puck and hand it to the other team??? NY skaters are so content with gaining the redline and throwing the puck deep, then going to the bench for a change, or setting up in the neutral zone. You will never see the Sharks do this. Instead, Thornton, or Setoguchi will carry the puck into the zone, maintain possession, and wait for teammates to join them in the O-zone. Go change after you pass the puck to a fresh teammate.

Rif's Rangers Solutions

1) This is the first time I've said it publicly. But It is time...ugh... Fire Tom Renney. His system doesn't fit the team he coaches, and he fails to adapt. He's slow and ineffective in adjusting his team during games, and it has hurt the Rangers on numerous occasions. Worst of all, I'm afraid he has lost the locker room. The players look uninterested, and lack any confidence what-so-ever. I think they understand that they need new leadership behind the bench. (AND IN THE LOCKER ROOM). Renney did a good job bringing this team back to respectability, but he is not the one to bring this team to glory. (Not that THIS team, the way it is constructed right now, can get there with anybody).

With him go assistants Pearn and Mike Pelino. Both of whom are awful interviews and lousy coaches.

2) Fire Glen Sather. This is harder for me to say than fire Renney. I don't know why I'm partial to Glen. Yes, he has crippled this team cap-wise, and has had some players sign head-scratchingly outrageous contracts, but I just feel like he knows how to fix it. The problem with that last statement is that I have been saying it for the last 10 years. It's time for a new philosophy for building a team. His personnel decisions over the years have really hurt the direction and future of this team. Its time for Change. (where have I heard that before?)

2a) Do not bring in Mark Messier as the team's new GM. I just have a bad feeling about it.

3) Hire John Tortorella. Here's a guy who isn't afraid to call out his players and demand the most out of a team. He has worked with NYR brass before as an assistant coach, and he won the cup with the Hechting Tampa Bay Lightning for crying out loud. (If not Torts, give me Pat Quinn. Another outspoken, respected hockey coach).

4) Release and/or Lose and/or Trade and/or abandon: Adam Voros, Dimitri Kalinin.

5) Trade/Release AT LEAST one of: Gomez, Drury, Redden, Rozsival. We need these contracts gone ASAP. And they aren't going to disappear any time soon.

6) Call Up:  Artem Anisimov, SEAN AVERY.  Avery still has to be acquired from Dallas, but that's a formality at this point.  I'll elaborate more on Sean in a bit.

7) Target Via Trade: Keith Tkuchuk (STL), Jay Bouwmeester (FLA), Nik Antropov (TOR), Olli Jokinen (PHX)

8) Do Not Trade: Marc Staal, Henrik Lundqvist, Nik Zherdev, Ryan Callahan.

Reasons-Not-To-Lose-All-Hope Notes

- Despite how badly they suck at this game, the Rangers are 9 games over .500. They sit in 6th place in the Eastern Conference (albiet 2 points from 8th, 7 points from 9th). If they can turn things around any time soon, their fast start put them in very good position to make the post season. Once you're there, ANYTHING can happen, especially when you have a great goaltender (which they happen to have).

- Speaking of that goalie, Henrik Lundqvist, despite the losses and some sketchy numbers, is still playing well. Granted, he can play much, much better, but he is not playing so poorly. He still has the ability to carry this team above and beyond. HE wants to win more than anybody else on this roster.

- SEAN AVERY. I fully expect him to join the Rangers within the next month. He'll surely provide this team with a shot in the arm, and the Ranger fans with somebody who is fun to watch on the ice. New York is a very boring team to watch. Sean Avery will not allow that to happen, don't worry. That man was born to play on Broadway, and the fans will cherish every second of it. 

- There isn't a team in the East who scares me. Sure, Boston is really good, and the Devils are looking.. well... Devilish, but the Rangers, when they have played well, have shown that they can compete with and DEFEAT these teams.

-Henrik Lundqvist is our goalie.

For this team to win, things are going to have to change quick, fast, and in a hurry. Is there a one quick-fix to the Rangers problems that can make them a "great team"? "Honestly? No. But with a few moves- the RIGHT moves, this team CAN become dangerous. 

But I'm sure they'll never make it easy. It will never be painless.

GOD I hate loving this team.

-Rif